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[108] My life

I'm pissed with my life... Nothing goes right, I'm just one of society's trash citizen ; a needed pain in the ass that everybody goes "Awwwwww, this man deserves help" but deep down all they say is "Ewwwww get away from me, you're such a sad human being it might be contagious."

I am a 23 years old 285lbs fat guy still living with his parents. I'm still a virgin as well ; I never kissed a girl either. I'm currently unemployed, unable to find a job I enjoy or to keep one I hate ; I litteraly become ill when I work nowadays.

I'm currently going thru one hell of a week ; I've been sick, sweating anormaly, and completly sleepless. The only comfort I receive is "Get a fucking job, you'll feel fucking better after that, you lazy fuck."

I also hate my father... He and I are the most incompatible figures ever. He's a redneck. Plain and simple. His father used to live in the house our leftdoor neightbors live in, and his grand father used to live in the house in front of ours. 3 generations who never dared to move out of the fucking dirt road (It's litteraly an off road I live ; our province really treat our streets like crap).

My mother's tolerable, for a spineless automaton living as a post-office manager housewife.

Both make great salaries, but both of them made their life such a sorry pile of crap. And as many working couple receiving a child they did not actually expect much, they did what they did best ; they gave their offspring what they did not had in their youth. And they gave me a lot ; I was spoiled from a very early age.

The day however I started trying to get things on my own, at it's very basic level, I remember being grounded for it ; "You'll break something! Just sit down I'll get it for you."

And this went on, and on and on...

They figured out it was not a good idea by the time I needed help most in my life ; the early teenage years.

High school is hell for a fat shy kid who has had very little true friends, who just wants to be left alone. I even got to the hospital about it one day ; Someone threw a fucking stampler in the back of my head, just for kicks of seeing the fat guy bleed! "Oh my god! He's not bleeding fat!" was the last thing I heard before they all laughed, and left class.

I loved a girl once. Not gonna name her here. I never dared to approach her ; she was out of my league. Yes, there is such a thing. Today I gotten over it ; she has a kid. I hate kids.

There is also my best friend who is completly blind, in my opinion. He is dating a girl who cheated on him back in high school, who completly disappered for 8 years, and came back with a child in her arms. She came back saying "Oooooh I'm no longer in love with my boyfriend!" and started to date a 35years old married man who himself has kids. She got caught, and now she ran in my friend's arms. They are going to be living together in a month. They reunited a mere few weeks ago. He says he's in love, I say she's a gold-digger looking for a sugar daddy. But I'm just a 23 y.o virgin fat weak kid, who's gonna believe me?

I also have no education higher than my whole high school. Every attempt at college ended in failure ; apparently it's extremtly important to be good in french litterature and philosophy to get a degree in Computer Technology. Every computer tech think "Hmmmmmmm what would Louis the 14th would do to debug this?" or "Hmmmmmmm what would Plato say to find a way to debug this?". It's relevant, really.

I got a lot more to say, but for now, the only thing going on in my mind is killing myself.

My life basicly resumes itself to this ;
I was born. I waited. I'll die.

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